The New Norm: A Girlfriends' Discussion about Life and the Coronavirus
Photograph by NEOSiAM | 2020
“Hey, girl, hey! How are you?”
When I ask a friend this question, the answer used to sound something like, “Hey! I’m good! Just got a lot going on! I have to ___ and ___ and then ____. And after that, we are going to ____ with ___, and….”, followed by my list of what I’ve done’s, to-do’s, and what’s-going-on’s.
Not anymore.
Now after I “Hey, girl, hey! How are you?” my girlfriends, the answer sounds something like, “Eh. I’m ok. Just taking things one day at a time. I dunno. You?” with possible inserts of “I just got done with a whole bunch of Zoom meetings and feel like I’m working around the clock while I work from home” in there. And the weird part about it all is that we understand one another.
We’re living in a very different time now. There’s a lot of heaviness in the air, too many people are sick, so many are dying, we can’t/shouldn’t leave our homes, travel plans have been canceled, and we can’t even figure out what’s safe to do anymore. We’re worried and it’s weighing in on all of us.
Even though there are talks of the government opening businesses back up, we know this Coronavirus isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Many of my friends are aware that people are in economic hardship, need to work, businesses need to open to thrive, and people need to go on with their lives… but at what cost? When I hear that the curve is flattening, opening up businesses so soon sounds a lot like “we have more space in the ICU for people now” sort of banter.
Should we go outside? If businesses open up and we’re required to go back to work, there’s no guarantee that we won’t get sick so, what then? Businesses can take the appropriate measures to sanitize and help customers to keep a distance from one another, but is that enough? What if people don’t follow the rules? What if people really aren’t washing their hands? What if someone forgets their mask at home and don’t know they carry the virus? What about dating??? What if, what if, what if?!? So much to ponder.
-Ruby and I talked about how life should go on, but not so soon. We pondered the possibilities of schools opening back up (and agree it shouldn’t be this year), why Wall Street is ok but the economy is not, etc.
-Karina and I agree that it would be so nice to see friends again. She’s willing to meet up in person with others. I’m not. I know that people may be infected and not know it, and I get sick too easily.
-Lita wants to see her family she’s so very close to and it feels weird not to be able to hug them but knows that it could mean someone could accidentally infect her parents.
-Anita says she is always ok, believes that the Coronavirus is just like the flu, and isn’t afraid to leave the house and travel, but is also a homebody and doesn’t mind staying at home because that’s what she usually does anyway.
So many different perspectives. So many different types of lifestyles to consider. So many things to take into consideration.
One thing is for sure: we’re going to have to develop our own new norms. What will that even look like?
My new norm is probably going to look a little like this (remember that I have multiple health issues that require me to take several different forms of medication that all suppress my immune system): Work from home every day, cancel all trips for 2020, don’t see friends until perhaps summer and not in groups, do not travel until 2021, wear a mask everywhere outside the house, wait until the flu season is over to see groups of people, virtually partake in anyone’s birthday or any other sort of celebration… and I know I’m going to be sad about it all. My goal has to be to stay healthy in order to stay alive. I’m going to have to ask my husband and daughter for help in getting things from “the outside” (below, in masks).
But what about Becky? She has two school-aged children, is a young grandma of two, owns a business that operates outside of her home that is client-facing, etc?
And Celia who is a nurse, a stepmom of 7 whose kids couldn’t go to school and are homeschooling, and Celia can’t work from home?
And Emma who works as a government sub-contractor, has a husband who owns a music production company and depends on being present at weddings and other celebrations, has elderly parents and in-laws who depend on them, and is an aunt to nieces who look to her for direction?
We have to create our own unique norms. Take all the necessary precautions, have compassion for one another, put ego/politenesses aside and openly communicate, say what you need to say in all relationships, show love as best you can, etc. Life changes all the time. We can deal because we have been given an example of how to deal when things come up. But since this is completely new, you’ll have to create a new norm that works for you.
Even if things go back to “normal” within the year, so much damage has been done by the Coronavirus, and the negative impact on most people’s well-being is already evident. Therapy will be essential (it’s so helpful), self-development will be necessary, learning how to establish/reestablish connection will be important, and we’ll have to figure out how to survive without the business that had to go out of business
These conversations with my girlfriends are as heavy as they are healing, as uneasy as they are easy, and leave us feeling connected although we are not physically together. We may not have the ability to solve one another’s problems or make one another feel that much better, but we’re there for one another. We don’t feel as alone. We feel seen/heard to whatever extent. We encourage one another to keep going.
Stay connected. Don’t lose hope. We’ll do what we gotta do. We will get through this…
